HE... does HE???

Here I am again... writing yet again under the effect of my second luv... :-)

Yet again a thought came to my mind... and this time questioning my own belief...
Does HE really exist??

I quote a lot about HIM in my posts. And that's because I believe in HIM or should I say used to... the thing is... well... I dont know what the thing is!! But there are people who spend there lives - that they believe is given by HIM and controlled by HIM - worshipping HIM, asking HIM to make there lives better, praying, doing nothing wrong for another human thinking that that's against HIM, not cheating anyone, keeping the vrata's (fasts) with the staying-hungry-pleases-HIM kinda philosophy, etc etc etc.

Well... I truly did believe in HIM. That's irrespective of the fact that I dont do any of the things above... going to a temple is like a mission to me. But whatever, if HE really is there... then why do people who do all sorts of things to make HIM happy suffer... why why why???

If I suffer... I understand that. Coz I do nothing that people-think-pleases-HIM kind of things. So I can explain that with my belief in HIM. What I cant explain... and cant understand is that why the people opposite of me get hit so so so bad! They say that HE tests you... but come on mate... you dont almost kill a person to test him. If that's what it takes to get tested... well... I am better off without that test! Just keep me away from that killing thingie ok!

I dont know... but I think I have lost all faith... I am just going crazy. I am not able to find any answer to the questions running in my head. And I believe that neither you nor HE can have any answers. But I still want them! Where, how, when... I dont know. If HE comes in front of me tonight, trust me, even HE will not be able to win this argument with me!!! I am just so so so damn pissed with HIM.

Why can't life be easy. Ok, not easy... but a lil easier.

Lord... if you really are there... then you know what all this is for. Please... make my life hell... I probably deserve it... and I would (try at least to) take it with a smile... :-) but pardon those who dont!!! Please take care of them... what they are getting is not what they deserve... for once, please believe in me LORD!!! Believe me... They dont deserve it... I do!