Those were the days...

It is just one day left to Diwali... the grand festival... but somehow I am still not feeling it... I am feeling sad about it!!

Was just remembering the childhood days... when every festival was welcomed days, or rather weeks in advance... Preparing for the grand day. Not only diwali, but every festival.

15th August meant collecting manjha and patang days in advance, going to specialised areas of Delhi to purchase good quality majha... waiting for the evening every day to fly patang... setting up the music system on the terrace on the 15th... all the friends getting together... morning 8 to evening 7 on the terrace... breakfast, lunch, snacks everything there... in case it rains on the 15th, waiting desperately for it to stop... getting the tan all over the body (read the exposed portions only ;-))... shouting "I bow" at every successful pecha.. wow!!!

Holi meant so much more fun... purchasing pakke se pakka rang... getting up early in the morning to keep the gubbare ready... relatives coming over... friends getting together... mumma making gujia (they are just amazing..ummmm)... getting on our bicycles (changed to bikes in the later part) to go to other colonies... giving everybody a holy-dip :-) (at least one!!)... having lunch together in the function in the colony... sitting in the same unrecognisable state for hours and chatting... and then going home in the evening and bathing for hours (just to get the color off!! ;-))... amazing!!!

Diwali meant... getting to meet everyone... everyone as in almost everyone you know... getting extra pocket money from dad (that's the best part!)... a week off from the school... patake chalana... school main patake chalana (hehehe :-))... getting the bomb that makes more sound than my neighbours'... loads of mithai to eat... the best diwali gift to receive was a pack of frooti's or a pack of cadbury's chocolates... jumping around the firkis as if that's the happiest thing to happen... starting preparing for Diwali at least a week in advance... decorating the house... fighting for more money from papa for the patake... heaven!!!

Today... things have changed... we have grown up... no more those childhood mastis... no more crackers on diwali... no more patange on 15th august... no more pakke rang on holi... coz we have grown up... tomorrow is Diwali and today, here I am sitting in office and writing this post :-)... feels sad when I think of it... How I wish I could relive those moments... but I guess I have become too busy with my life to be able to take out time for these mastis... we have lost it all somewhere... when, where, why and how... I have no answers to these questions... I wish I could get these answers... I wish I could turn back time... I wish I could get my childhood back... if not childhood, then at least that worry-free mindset back... I wish I could...

Right now I am very excited... naah, not about tomorrow being Diwali... but only about the fact that I am going home tonight...

Happy diwali to all of you... :-)

Let go of the past!

Hey dude... let go of the past!
Life indeed is very vast.
You will realize this one day,
And once you do... you will surely feel gay.

Yesterday was history and tomorrow is a mystery,
Live in the present... is the common saying.
If it was that easy, then what is wrong and what right,
In this thought we would not be so much swaying...
The other day, I read a fantastic line,
"Life is easy... it's just not simple" it said.
I was awed by the simplicity of the statement,
And yet the deepest meaning that it held.

Going through the different chapters of life,
This is the greatest learning that I have had.
If you learn to let go of the past,
You will always always be just too glad!
Your past is a part of your own,
And it is not easy to let go of a part.
But the world will be an easier place to live in,
If you take everyday as a brand new start!

So remember these words of mine,
Life moves on just too fast...
And to catch up with the pace,
Learn to let go of the past...
Just let go of the past...

The Sixth Sense?

There's much more to life than what you and me can see and feel. This is a very common thought and I believe that most us would believe philosophically in it. I myself do.

But then on second thoughts, can something be more than what we can see and feel??? I mean yes there are things that we can taste and hear and smell other than see and feel. But we know that that's not what we are talking about. Is there something really beyond the five senses that make a living being? When it comes to living beings... dogs for sure do have a sixth sense as far as I know. But I really am not concerned about dogs here and hence let me replace the word living with human - "Is there something really beyond the five senses that make a human being"?

Thinking philosophically the answer would be YES but thinking practically the answer would be a dead NO. The people who don't agree with me in this would say that there is something commonly known as intuition. But if we come to think of it in the real sense... intuition is nothing but a state of mind. We normally believe what we want to happen as being intuition. And in case it actually comes true... we start believing that we indeed have a sixth sense. So, I would say... it's all in the mind.

Another argument to my opinion will probably come in terms of the Astrologers! Don't know but really would not like to say anything about this point. I believe future prediction to be a complete crap. I mean astrology for me is true as far as the astrologer tells you what has happened in your past life. But predicting future??? Nobody other than the ALMIGHTY knows what is to follow. And that's why HE is called the ALMIGHTY, a.k.a. the ALL MIGHTY!!!

The above written is the stuff that I really believe in... but I surely have witnessed a few incidences in my life which make me think again. There have been a couple of things I still have not found the reason for. And this is the reason for writing this post. I leave this as the open question... and please do pour in your comments on this -

"Is there something beyond the five senses that make a human being? Is there really something called a SIXTH SENSE?"

Dreams Unlimited !!!

Should one have dreams?? or should one just go on??

Dreams... who doesn't have any dreams?? May be some people don't but I am yet to meet such a person. Dreams are something, I believe, you get for free with life. They are different for everybody though... as in someone dreams about money, someone dreams about getting Aishwarya (or Shahrukh as the case may be) as their better-half, someone dreams about becoming the next Big B of Bollywood, someone dreams about making it big in sports and blah blah blah... You can dream whatever you want to. After all they are probably the only tax-free thing in our country that you can enjoy.

Is it right to dream? As in I am not asking whether it is ethically right or whether the Shiv Sena will blast you if you dream. I am talking of a more practical point of view here. A better question could be that does dreaming hamper the growth (again, not physical or mental) of a person? The answer to this can probably not be a straight forward 'YES' or 'NO'. It is not that objective a question after all.

There was a dialogue in Aditya Chopra's DDLJ... "Sapne dekho... par unke poore hone ki shart mat rakho" ("Have dreams... but do not put a condition for them to be fulfilled"). This dialogue will probably sound emotionally very healing to somebody who has recently been through a broken-dream-syndrome or is going through it presently. But for others, does this make sense? As in what is the whole point in dreaming if you don't wish them to be fulfilled??? I don't understand that.

Some people say that you should take life as it comes and don't dream of the future. Let life go on. I strongly oppose this philosophy. I personally believe that having dreams keeps you going, keeps you motivated and gives you something to work towards. But then again, this is too objective a statement and can't be accepted as it is without if's and but's. My BUT here is that do have dreams BUT don't be the next Mungeri Lal (remember the serial telecast on Doordarshan long time back... when people of my age were still happier on the last day of school before the summer vacation than probably getting a date with Aishwarya!!). For people who don't remember the serial or have never seen it... the above statement simply means that don't get impractical in dreaming. As in don't dream to become a Tata or an Ambani. I am in no means saying that you can't. If they could, then everybody can. But as they never dreamt of it, you also don't dream of it. It is a very commonly used saying - "Dream big"... I would not say that it is not correct. Dream big for sure, but let big be just BIG, and not TOO BIG.

Another view point could be that don't dream coz it hurts bad when a dream of your's is shattered. And if you have not thought anything and something good happens, you will feel more good than if you had thought about it. But then again, is this not a part of the game? If every dream was fulfilled, then would dreams not lose their meaning? Think of the contentment you would get if you get one of your dreams fulfilled!! It will be a feeling that no other feeling could beat. You will feel proud.

So, in my opinion, dream... but let there be some practicality in your dreams also. Know your limits.

Happy dreaming... and all the best!

What's more in store...

What exactly to say and what exactly to do,
I seriously have got no clue.
Life is as stranded as it always has been,
But what's more is store is still to be seen...

With the end of each day,
It is getting tough to hold on.
I am trying to keep hopes alive,
May be somewhere there is a dawn.
Every friday evening I think,
It is one more week survived.
With the hope that the next week,
Will probably see me getting revived!

How I wish I could write my destiny,
I would not have written anything insane.
All I want to do is that,
By a small amount, reduce this searing pain...
Hope is the only thing that is holding me here,
But I don't know for how long.
I wish I am not hoping against hope,
And I can again sing a happy song.

At times I have tried to take the lead,
But I still am on the losing side of this game.
Whatever I might try to do,
But nothing changes and things remain the same.
This is not how I wanted it to be,
This is not how anybody wants things to be.
But somehow it is so now,
And I desperately want to break free...

Maybe the road ahead is not so tough to tread,
And there are no thorns but roses instead.
With this thought I do become a little serene,
But what's more in store... is still to be seen...
It is still to be seen...

Just a thought...

Are we earning to live or are we living to earn?

Just a thought that crossed my mind today. Actually got an unexpected salary hike today from the office. And the happiness on the faces was worth more than a notice for sure. People forgot all the worries and there was happiness all around. A rare sight to be seen. Some already happy with the hike, and the others happily waiting for their mail to come as if destiny is going to change after this. Then, it was realised that everyone has not got this hike and its a particular band of people who got it. Then there were mixed emotions. The question now with most of the unlucky lot was - "Why did they get the hike" whereas I thought that - "why did I not get it" would have made more sense. Anyways, that's digressing from the topic I believe.

So coming back, I saw people forgetting all their worries with the declaration of this small, rather meagre, hike. And then this question crossed my mind. Thought a lot but it is still to be answered. Where are we heading...

My Life...

I was watching "Bluffmaster" today... this was the second time and one dialogue by Ritesh Deshmukh got me thinking. The first time was in Amsterdam with a couple of beers and was in no mood to think. :-) He said that his father used to say "Every man should have a passion, an aim to live for".

As I was thinking about it, I realized that I never really have had an aim for myself (except chasing girls and partying hard that is!). When I entered class XI, took up science with biology coz my parents wanted me to. Then after the half-yearly exams, shifted to science with computers coz I almost flunked in Bio. Didn't get through any of the engineering entrances and was all prepared to sit at home for an year and prepare. Then this new university came up all of a sudden - Guru Gobind Singh Indraprastha University, Delhi - and started a session in the mid-year (November 15, 1999 was the date). Got through this entrance with flying colors (rank 44). That was more so coz only the dumb-heads like me who couldn't get through any of the entrances were left to take the exam. Going forward, had all the fun in the college and never really studied. In 2002, my pre-final year, a slump came in the IT market and fellow mates starting worrying about placements. But I was as usual as cool as a cucumber. After completing my B.Tech, was again all prepared to sit at home and study for CAT. Didn't apply anywhere for a job. Didn't even give it a try. Some friend forwarded my resume to Infosys and I got a call. As the selection process, they just had 10 puzzles to crack and a stupid English test. They didn't even take an interview (2003 was the only year they didn't take interviews) :-). And hence, I was through. Since then, it has been almost three years and I have been enjoying life here. So, my journey through life till now has not really been driven by some passion or some aim but purely by luck! It's a surprising but true fact, that I have not appeared in a single job interview till date!!!

When I think of all this, I feel that all-through I have just been wandering aimlessly. Have just gone where life has taken me. HE has been caring enough towards me to make sure that inspite of being so aimless, I have fun in life. Now, for the first time in my life, I have an AIM. An aim to crack CAT this year. An aim to get through the IIM-A. Finally, I am telling myself - "It's time to get serious dude". Lots of hardwork is what lies ahead. And they say that hardwork does pay off. I hope this time next year, I will be writing a blog sitting in my dorm room at the IIM-A.... Amen!!!

Why MBA???

The title is what has been hovering in my mind since the day I entered the final year in my college. I have thought about it over and over but do not have a clear picture till date. I do take the toughest exam in the world... CAT... every year. But to me, till now it has been more of an annual festival, compulsory to attend, than really being CAT!

Last year, as I was yet again "preparing" for CAT, the same question was bothering me. I talked to my dear mom about it. I told her that the only reason that I could think of about why I want an MBA is that everyone is going for it... and it seems like a race. She said that even if thats what you think, it is fair enough... even if you take it as a race, you should go for it lest you will fall behind. Ok, I agree that this is not a satisfying enough reason to go for it but somehow encouraged me. I managed to get a call from IIM-Bangalore but then didn't happen to convert it. I would again attribute it to my lack of clarity on the title. After all, winning a race is not a good enough reason to be given to the interviewer, however encouraging it personally might be to me!!

But getting so close to it and missing it has definitely given me a boost. Initially I used to hate it. Everybody telling me that there is something better in store. Maybe I am destined to go to IIM-Ahmedabad. But it used to piss me off like anything. At times I felt like shouting out to people... "Please!! I am already pissed off enough". But then didn't. Spent a lot of days being down about this IIM-B thingie. But as I think of it now, I realize that I didn't really put in the effort to expect myself to make it. I believe that you do need to give due respect to something that you want to achieve and you do need to put in effort for it.

One more thing that makes me go for it now is the interaction I had with the IIM-B professors. I was just amazed. These guys are just next to the almighty. When they speak, you feel like listening. I am just wondering what an experience it would be to be taught by them... the best in their business!

Yet again, I am starting a journey and IIM-A is the sole destination!! Wish me luck...

The Angel...

At times in your lifes, such things happen which force you to think. Things which force you to think that God does indeed create angels on this earth. Things which force you to think that God does indeed create a special angel for you on this earth. By this I don't mean to say that this special angel of yours will be with you all your life or this special angel will be your life partner. But just that you should know that God created that angel for you... maybe for a limited period of your life.

I have indeed found such an angel. I see my dreams in her eyes. She helps me dream things which I always feared to dream. She simply says "Don't worry... I am there" and I feel that I can even reach out for the stars.

We fight a lot with each other. There are things in her that I don't like and there are things in me which she detests. Today she said something to me... "I feel that we are trying to find out the perfect partners for us in each other. And in this process we are just hurting each other. So let's just accept each other as we are and if it has to happen, it will. Let's not fight anymore." These words got imprinted in my mind. Though I don't agree completely with the "accept as we are" part. Coz I personally believe that any relationship is based on some compromises from both the involved parties. But yes, she does hold a point there. She does hold a point when she says that we should not try to find the perfect partners. Angel, I promise that I take that point. And I promise that in some post of mine, I will start this para with "We USED to fight a lot". :-)

The reason that I am writing all this here is that I think I can convey something by this post. And what I want to convey to you is: "Don't spoil a beautiful relation in your life just because you want that relation to be something else". May be, it is supposed to be the way it is and not the way you want it to be. Life is too short, just enjoy every moment you spend with your angel. Might sound too philosophical. Yes, as a human you are bound to have some expectations. But just that keep them to the minimum. And trust me, the day both of you start feeling the same for each other... none of you will want the expectations to be minimum. Because it indeed feels good if the other person expects something from you. At times, it makes you feel special... after all you don't expect things just from anyone right?

At the end of this post... I would just show a little disbelief myself on the starting of my post. Though I say that it may be for a limited period of time... but hey angel, I want you to stay...

Loving her self-lessly!!!

It is not a poem this time. Somehow felt like just penning down whatever I am feeling right now and somehow thought that it wont be possible in the form of a poem.

Have a thought in my mind today. Might sound too philosophical, but then who cares if you think that it is just philosophical. I created this place not for you to enjoy reading and agree with, but for myself to write down what I feel. And here I am, doing just the same.

I was wondering today about loving someone self-lessly. I mean that may sound too weird on the first go. But give it a second thought. When you love someone.. do you really put a condition for that person to love you back??? (I know that sounds like a dialogue by shahrukh from Mohabatein... but that's what I am feeling right now). As per what I think, the answer to that is a plain "No". You just love a person. And that's all. And that should be sufficient for you to know.

Why do we expect things from somebody? If I love a girl, why do I expect her to do something for me. I should understand the simple fact that it is me who loves her and she doesn't reciprocate the feelings. But if this is so easy to understand, then why do I find it so hard to accept it??? Well, the fact remains... "It is not easy to get used to this fact". And this is human nature I believe. But in the process of learning to accept this fact, I myself make life tough for me and for that girl. Again a question... is this right? In fact, when I think of it I feel that there is no right or wrong in this. It's just a matter of perception. Both of us are right as per our own perceptions. I would feel that this girl should at least help me in getting used to the fact that she doesn't love me. And in this process, I will feel that she should care for me just a little more when I need her. On the other hand, the girl will treat me just as "another" friend. And this is where the problem starts. The end result of this entire process is that I and she will end up ruining our relationship on the whole. No matter how good friends we were earlier, but this process will just ruin it all!!!

Why do we let things go this far? If I think about it twice, I realise that it is only my fault. She was happy to be the best of friends with me. It was my mistake to misunderstand that as something else. It was my mistake to expect her to love me back the same way as I love her. I see my life companion in her... but it was my mistake to expect her to feel the same... In essence, it is my mistake to let this relationship go away.

But as they say... it is never too late. I will not let this relation fade away just like that. I will be there when she needs me. I will be happy to do anything for her. But I will not expect anything from her. After all... I have loved her!!! And finally... I am learning to love her self-lessly!

Learning to live alone!

Finally... I am learning to live alone,
It's the toughest learning I have ever had...
I learnt it the hard way though,
To have learnt it, I feel glad.

I have learnt to go out and eat alone,
I have learnt to watch movies alone.
Hardest thing to do really... but after this,
To getting hurt you are less prone.
So just go out there and enjoy,
This is the way it should be done.
Time is the biggest healer they say,
Someday... you have to burn yourself in the sun...

There is no other way out,
Time only can teach you this.
In this otherwise sad world,
Living alone is the only bliss.
So cheer up dear friend and don't be sad,
For being alone, do not blame the lord.
After all you don't learn to fight,
Until you really get injured by the sword...

Fight it out... and they say "Go on!"
Finally... I am learning to live alone...
I am learning to live alone!!!

Don't know what to do...

Yet again I am down in the dumps,
Yet again I am wondering what to do.
Yet again I am getting no solution,
Yet again I think that I should just go...

Things are just getting too much for me,
And I just dont know how to handle.
To me every passing day just seems like,
Another nail pushed deep into my cradle.
How I wish I could work my way out,
How I wish I could learn to live life.
At the moment I am just surviving,
How I wish I could just dance the jive!!!

But this just seems to be a dream,
And dreams don't really come true...
I know that I will keep on suffering,
It is not easy to come out of the blue.
I need to come out of this soon,
Before the day I decide to just run away.
And that day doesnt seem too far off,
Someday soon is going to be that today...

As of today I know only one thing,
That there doesn't seem to be a tomorrow.
And in this cold heartless today,
I am just lost and I don't know what to do...
I simply don't know what to do!!!

You always go alone!!!

Another negative post is what is up,
I dont want to write this for sure.
Am not able to help myself though,
The future seems to be just too obscure.

I keep thinking what I should do,
I keep thinking what is right and what is wrong.
But again I find nothing as the answer,
And life is still the same old awful song.
Probably I need to change the lyricist,
Coz the lyrics seem to be just too odd.
But this change is next to impossible,
Coz the lyricist is who people call GOD.

I need to find a solution to this crap,
And I better do this soon...
I know that the longer I will be like this,
More diffcult it will be to prune.
But finding a way out is not all that easy,
Specially when you are down and out.
And in the hope that somebody listens,
All you can do alone, is just shout...

I hope somebody listens to my painful cries,
I hope somebody comes on to be my side.
But as they say "You always go alone",
As a man, accept pain as your only bride...
Wanting a companion to share this pain,
Is this really asking too much???
Well I guess it probably is,
Otherwise, HE doesnt let you down as such.

Now I know that I need to understand,
That in the end, you have to fight alone.
At the moment me and my destiny,
Are together playing a game of the dog and the bone!!
Sometimes I am able to win and be happy,
But most of the times its the other way around.
And in this process of winning and losing,
I always end up getting another hurting wound...

I hope I am able to put an end to this soon,
And I have to do it on my own...
I just need to digest this plain and simple fact,
In the end... you always go alone... you always go alone!!!

Just too lost...

Yet again I sit down to write something,
Yet again I have negative thoughts in my mind.
Dont know why all this is happening,
But I am just getting grinded in the grind...

Am not able to think straight these days,
It has been ages since I raised a toast!
Life appears to have lost its meaning,
Gone is my optimism that I used to boast...
Nothing that I do seems to succeed,
Every effort seems to be going in vain.
And I really don't know what to do,
At the moment, I am just in utter pain...

I know that I have to come out of it,
And no one else but only I can do the same.
Don't know how to go about it but,
I have to play the winning move in this game...
I want to get to my old self again,
I want to once again raise the toast!
I want to run away from this me,
This me who feels like a loser's winning post...

Help me through God, help me through,
As you always have through the worst.
All I know right now is that,
I feel just too lost... I am just too lost...

Destinies are always self-made...

I stand still at a crossroad today,
Each road taking me to a different destination.
I pray to HIM to help me through,
And somehow give me the right instruction...

As I stand here today I wonder,
What is it that I want from my life.
"Nothing at all" is what I get,
Is it that I dont want to take any stride???
I have always been happy-go-lucky,
Always been satisfied with what I have.
Never tried to achieve anything more,
Never really realized what I can have...

I turned around to go back home,
And right there was standing this friend.
Spoke to me about eveything I had,
Said that "To the top you have to ascend"!!
Made me truly believe in myself,
And helped me come out of the groove.
Helped me find all the answers,
And put an end to my aimless move...

I turned back around and shout out loud,
Here I come, my friend is here.
And now that I can hold this hand,
I surely know there's nothing to fear.
Now I know that prayers are answered,
This is the messenger sent by God.
I looked up to the heavens to thank HIM,
And HE gave me a magical nod.

There are many such crossroads in life,
But just always keep the faith.
Believe in yourself and face the fight,
Destinies are always self-made...

Is it worth the effort?

There have been many moments in my life,
When "Is it worth the effort" is what I wondered
Asking to myself, I get the reply,
"If it was not, you wouldn't be asking this question"
And then I carry on with all my heart,
Put my everything to see it happen
And trust me, the real feel of success comes,
When you have really put in the effort...

Dont put yourself down ever,
Coz any battle starts in the mind
If anything tries to deviate you from the path,
Just relax and turn to it an eye blind...
There's nothing that you can not achieve,
There's nothing in which you can not succeed
And when you reach your dreamt goal,
You will be happy even if on the way, you did bleed....

So go out with all your energy,
And show the world that you can!!!
Even if you fail sometime,
Remember, God surely has a better plan...
The next time you find yourself,
Wondering at "Is it worth the effort"
I hope you think of this small verse,
And say out loud... "I bet it is!!"

Ringing the chime...

There is no reason no rhyme
But still I am here...ringing the chime

Life is the same old story
There is no fun no glory
The road ahead looks so bizarre
I seem to be getting just another scar
But they always say "Have fun"
Believe me it is easier said than done
There is no reason no rhyme
But still I am here...ringing the chime

Whoever meets has to part
Leaving behind a broken heart
This is one of the rules of the game
And for this, there's noone to blame
People come and next moment they are gone
But life doesn't stop and it still goes on
There is no reason no rhyme
But still I am here...ringing the chime