Disgusted...

... is what I am after the Mumbai attacks. Ruthless killing of people for a reason as something called religion. As far as my knowledge goes about this word RELIGION which is prevalent in many forms, none of the forms teaches you to kill people come what may. I heard that Religion is a good thing and tells you to help people and save people. But here are the self-proclaimed-messengers-of-God doing exactly the opposite. What an irony!!

I am in Germany right now working at the client side and returning to India this coming weekend. A couple of days back, my client counterpart asked me - "Are you not afraid?" and I was like - "What?? What should I be afraid of". And he goes - "Afraid of going to India". I just didnt know the answer.

I am going back home after quite sometime and I dont know whether to be happy about it and whether to be afraid. Crazy aint it? I feel happy that I will be with my family and friends again but I feel scared that the guy walking on the street next to me might just be a terrorist and might just shoot me point blank. Or I might be enjoying a movie in a cinema hall and suddenly there's a blast! So all-in-all, I really do not know whether I am more happy or more scared of going back to India.

I dont know what these people are fighting for and why are they killing people. But I sure know that it cant be religion. Some democrats give it the name of religion and hide their intentions behing this holy word. And the ones to execute such events of massacre are people whose brains have just been washed out somehow and taught a wrong definition of religion and jehad and stuff like that. Please please please understand that this aint taking no one no where. Spread love and not hatred. No man ever achieved anything with hatred. Stop this non-sense!

And whose fault is it anyway that such things happen? And they do not happen once in a while but they keep happening every now n then. It is very easy to blame the politians, the forces, the intelligence and who not. I am not saying that it not their fault. It indeed is. They are to be blamed for sure. But as much as they are to be blamed, so are we. So is every Indian.

The main reason that I see for such things happening is Corruption. For without officials at every level aiding these terrorists, it simply is impossible how they can get in so much of ammunition without getting noticed and things like that. So the fight against terrorism should start with the fight against corruption. And this fight is not of the armed forces only. It is our fight. We need to do our duty towards the nation. I am not hinting at something of the likes of Rang De Basanti. Not at all. That will be foolishness as such heroics happen only in Bollywood and nowhere else. What I am talking about is doing our small bit everywhere in the daily life.

Fight against corruption also means not aiding corruption. Our small bit in that could be being honest in our daily affairs ourselves and also not bribing someone of doing favors for someone just to get our own job done. This could be the smallest bit we can do. There would surely be the urge to pay money for getting the job done since it just makes it so easier and hasslefree. But resist that urge for sometime and it will stop completely itself.

Another bit could be to raise your voice if anyone around you is not doing his/her job properly. You see a security guard doing checkings just as a formality process, you remind him of his duty. You see a night watchman sleeping, you remind him of his duty. You see a traffic policeman taking money money in his pocket instead of issuing a challan, you remind him. Wherever whenever whatever... lets take part in the Jago-India-Jago kinda movement.

I pledge myself, not as a hindu or a muslim or a christian or whatever, but as an Indian, to do my bit towards my country... do you?

HE... does HE???

Here I am again... writing yet again under the effect of my second luv... :-)

Yet again a thought came to my mind... and this time questioning my own belief...
Does HE really exist??

I quote a lot about HIM in my posts. And that's because I believe in HIM or should I say used to... the thing is... well... I dont know what the thing is!! But there are people who spend there lives - that they believe is given by HIM and controlled by HIM - worshipping HIM, asking HIM to make there lives better, praying, doing nothing wrong for another human thinking that that's against HIM, not cheating anyone, keeping the vrata's (fasts) with the staying-hungry-pleases-HIM kinda philosophy, etc etc etc.

Well... I truly did believe in HIM. That's irrespective of the fact that I dont do any of the things above... going to a temple is like a mission to me. But whatever, if HE really is there... then why do people who do all sorts of things to make HIM happy suffer... why why why???

If I suffer... I understand that. Coz I do nothing that people-think-pleases-HIM kind of things. So I can explain that with my belief in HIM. What I cant explain... and cant understand is that why the people opposite of me get hit so so so bad! They say that HE tests you... but come on mate... you dont almost kill a person to test him. If that's what it takes to get tested... well... I am better off without that test! Just keep me away from that killing thingie ok!

I dont know... but I think I have lost all faith... I am just going crazy. I am not able to find any answer to the questions running in my head. And I believe that neither you nor HE can have any answers. But I still want them! Where, how, when... I dont know. If HE comes in front of me tonight, trust me, even HE will not be able to win this argument with me!!! I am just so so so damn pissed with HIM.

Why can't life be easy. Ok, not easy... but a lil easier.

Lord... if you really are there... then you know what all this is for. Please... make my life hell... I probably deserve it... and I would (try at least to) take it with a smile... :-) but pardon those who dont!!! Please take care of them... what they are getting is not what they deserve... for once, please believe in me LORD!!! Believe me... They dont deserve it... I do!

Just another thought...

A thought came to my mind sometime...

God is not dead... he is just drunk!!

And then I thought... man I am a genious! :-)Well thats not the point really of this post. As always, I do not know what is the point of this post though. I am just writing. But that statement above. Does that ring some bells? For me... that rings a thousand bells together... I just feel that nerve-shivering feeling when I think of it.

Well... I was just thinking of a kewl line to get engraved on my newly-bought-much-adored iPod nano 4G when this came. And my nano actually has this engraved now. It could have any meaning. It could also have no meaning to many. For me... it simply asks to keep your patience going in your tough times. If you are going through a tough time... and feel like cursing God... or feeling like questioning His existence... for a moment think of this line... and you will probably feel that He is just sleeping out of getting drunk... and he will be back the moment alcohol takes its effect off Him. Well... come on... He also needs to relax sometimes yeah... after all He is a human too... :-)

I give him that grace coz I am a pure alcohol lover. Alcohol is always my second love... the first being my mom. So it has just been great for me! I can give up almost anything for alcohol... well you might be having that what-a-loser kinda feeling right now... but I don't mind... I at least know what I luv... do you? Most of us would spend our lives thinking or trying to find out what we luv... but I know that already at this "tender" age of 27. :-)

Well I guess too much of crap... and mind you... I am already writing under the effect of my second luv... so it gotta be heart felt! A drunken man never lies... and a drunken woman never lays ;-)

So cheers guys! And remember... He is always there! Even when he is drunk!!!

Cheers!

I am going SKY DIVING!!!

Just can't wait for THE DAY. The anxiety... the fear... the thrill... whatever you can think of are surely making my stomache more twisted than ever!

It still a couple of weeks away. I have not done many thrilling and adventurous activities in my life... but this one sure tops and I don't think I will do something more thrilling than this... imagine... you are in a small airplane... safety jackets tied... the plane going high... to make you fall down... it stops at a height close to 4000m (come on... thats half the mount everest!!!)... and the door opens... and you have to jump!!! Whoa... what an experience it will be! All "what if..." thoughts will come to mind I believe... what if the parachute malfunctions... what if I am not able to land properly... and stuff like that... the instructor told you that you will reach a max speed of close to 200 km an hour!!! Even imagining this makes my head spin...

But whatever... it sure is gonna be crazy fun... and I just just can't wait.

It all came down as a weird idea to a friend when we were talking of bungee jumping. And he was like forget bungee mate... let's straight go for the kill... searched and hit the bulls eye easliy. Very close to the place I live (just a couple of hours far)... there is a group that helps you do this crazy thing! And here we are... all done... just waiting for the time to come...

The most weird part about this whole thing is that they shoot a video also... and for that purpose... a professional jumps facing you... with a camera tied to his head!! Crazy aint it! I surely will put up the video on youtube... keep checking my favourite videos on orkut.
Enough.. will write more now after the experience... for now.. I am just in the just-can't-wait-no-more state of mind... but there is no option really... coz after the wait... they just say...

Get... set... FLY!!! :-)

Luv...

A friend asked me a question today -

Can you fall in luv so soon? (so soon here would be something like 15-20 days of knowing each other)

I couldn't exactly answer this. But with this came another question to my mind -

What is luv?

Writing this to try to find out the answer. May be in this process of writing... or rather thinking while writing... I get some sort of an answer.

Ok, let me define luv as it means to me today. It's difficult. Rather very difficult. So, I will just write down whatever comes to my mind.

Luv is when you are happily willing to give up your identity to make a new identity with her called "US". The you and I disappear to give birth to US. Luv is to feel more happy in her joys than being sad by your sorrows. Luv is to care only about her smile. Luv is when that smile from her makes your day. Luv is when you are willing to take her shortcomings as they are. Luv is when you are willing to adjust and make the relationship work. When you are willing to let go off your own shortcomings for her joys. Luv is when you don't need to talk and still the conversation takes place. Luv is when you don't care about receiving but you only about giving. Luv is when a hug from her can take off the world's pain for you. Luv is when holding her hand you think you are the king. Luv is knowing her inside out. Luv is when she doesn't need to tell you how she is feeling, what is going on in her mind and stuff like that. You just know it. Luv is when you tell her that she is really wanted. Luv is when you don't care about getting her for your life, but you just luv her. Luv is when you are happy together. Luv is when you just want to spend more and more time with her. Luv is when you feel that number of hours in a day should be more than 24 and the number of days in a month more than 31. Luv is a feeling that you get when you come back home after seeing her. Luv is just amazing!

I don't know if I succeeded in giving luv a definition. But yes... I think I have got my answer. There's no time-limit to falling in luv. There's nothing like you-cant-fall-in-luv-before-60-days kind of thing. It's just about clicking together. If you feel you clicked together in a day, then be it. You are in luv. Congratulations! For luv is such a wonderful wonderful feeling.

Cheers!

Expectations!

Writing after a long long time. Was probably too caught up in office or was not really in a mood to pen down my thoughts over this time or probably was not really willing to think or probably wanted to convince myself that I dont think!

Have come home last night for a vacation... and here I am... in heaven! There's no place on this earth better than home!! I rarely get sad when I am home... even though I think a lot being free at home, but I dont get sad somehow...

Well... this post is about expectations!! The much hyped-n-talked-about type of thing in the relationship world. I am sure you would have had discussions about this with your boyfriend / girlfriend or whatever. The discussion would be something like you shouldn't have expectations. Let things happen. When you have expectations you get hurt. If you dont keep any expectations you would have a smoother n happier relationship. One of you at least would be saying things like that right?

I would say ---- just cut the crap. How on earth can a relation exist without expectations!!! There have to be some expectations at least!! And I believe thats what a relation is!! If I dont have any expectations, then in God's name can you tell me the difference between this person that I have the relationship with and a person just walking on the street??? I dont expect anything from the person on the street also and from this world's... or I would say the theoretical n idealistic world's... point of view not even from my relation! Come on mate, expectations are what make a relation. They are the foundation. As strong a foundation as trust is! And this relation can be any relation... a boyfriend-girlfriend relation... or two friends... or any relation... except the mother-child relation.

Now, on the other hand I would also say that it is very important to keep the expectations to a minimum... to whatever you can. How this helps is that when you have low expectations... and the other person does something that goes beyond that... it will be tremendously joyous for you... and that is what will make your relationship stronger and sweeter.

But sometimes... you just start expecting. And the other person (just any other person... not your boyfriend / girlfriend.... well not exactly any other person... but... a not-so-old-but-good-friend category person) doesnt respond. It hurts bad mate! But in this case, it is not the fault of that other person... you can't blame him for anything. But then you do. You think that isn't it obvious. If you are spending time together, isnt it obvious. On the other hand you think... ahh come on... relax. Big deal! You just dont know what to think and what to do. You are kind of at a war with yourself. This situation is crazy. Completely crazy... and trust me... it is difficult to handle too.

Well... I have lost much to this word EXPECTATIONS!!! And trust me... I hate this word probably more than anything else in the world... but still... want to get rid of it.... but somehow can't do without it... I had decided to stop expecting anything from anything living... but it doesnt work that way... but also true is that you feel bad if you have expectations... I dont know what I am saying... probably I am not able to explain things to myself... what is wrong n what right... I dont know... n thats I think one reason I came here to write... thought probably this place will tell me something... but as written in my intro line... I initially came to blog coz at least this would not reply back... but today I want it to talk to me... see... expectations grow as the relationship grows.. knowing very well it cant talk I still want it to!!!

God damn!!!