Apne hone par mujhko yakeen aa gaya...

Pighle neelam sa behta ye sama,
Neeli neeli si khamoshiyan,
Na kahin hai zameen, na kahin aasmaan,
Sarsaraati hui tehniyaan, pattiyaan,
Keh raheen hai ki bas ek tum ho yahan,
Sirf main hoon, meri saansein hain aur meri dhadkanein,
Aisi gehraiyaan, aisi tanhaiyaan,
Aur main, sirf main.
Apne hone par mujhko yakeen aa gaya...

I liked the poetry in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara since the first time I heard it. Most of the people did. Amazingly composed by the father and beautifully narrated by the son. Until now, I liked the one in the end the most - "Dilon mein tum apni betabian leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum"..

But now, I realized... rather felt the true meaning of the one above. And this will now stay with me for all my life.

I went to Oslo for the Christmas weekend. The city was shut down and we had nothing to do. So decided that the next day, we will go across the country driving. This is the drive that we did:

The train route between Oslo and Bergen is known to be one of the most scenic train journeys. But we decided to take the road. I luv driving! And the road didn't disappoint yet again.

But little did I know that it will be a life changing drive for me. The entire drive was very beautiful... snow all around... mountains, snow and road. Stunning combination.. and it was all the more beautiful in Norway. The fjords there are worth every penny that you spend. There was this absolute magical moment on that drive.

It was total snow.. strong winds... low visibility... and we were driving. People were scared to drive and wanted to turn back. But I was like I want to get out of the car and feel this on my skin. It was just so magical that I couldn't let it go. Looked for a spot to stop, and I went out. It was amazing.. Stood out and smoked a cigarette in that. Looking around, I could see everything was just white. The winds gave it a foggy effect. Felt like I am standing in heaven. And there's no one but me. Just me! And then this poem came to my mind. It was a nirvana / moksha moment for me.... Aur mujhe apne hone par yakeen aa gaya!

I have been pretty negative in the past sometime. I promise that ends now! The song for me right now is:

Pink Floyd - Coming back to life

 After a long time... I am back!

Cheers!

P.S. I will post another long post on the trip (hopefully with some pictures if they come out good). This was more about the special moment...

Wherever you will go...

Kinda like this song..

You're always in my heart

A couple of things that she said will stay etched in my mind:

"You tried to control my life"

I agree that I did get over-possessive.. or may be even obsessed with her... but that was because I just luv her a little too much. And you don't just say this when you end the relationship right?? She never told me she felt that way... she always said that she is trying to change herself for me and that she is doing it out of her own will... she said she luved me too much to see me getting hurt because of her... And I believed it... and hence this came as a shock... a crude shock...

"It is "just" a relationship that didn't work"

And I thought it was more than that... for me, it was... for me, it will always be... for me, it will never be just a relationship that didn't work. She is all I see... I have always believed in one thing.. from a very young age - There's nothing that can't be sorted out between two people... you just need to talk about it and find a common way... you just need to make some adjustments.. there's no relationship in this world that doesn't need compromises...

I have been getting sleepless nights... these two statements she made just keep going on and on in my head... And all this really makes me think of one of the posts that I wrote... "I defeated me"

She sent me a song one day... and now, after all this, I don't think she meant it... I want to send the same back to her today... and trust me, I still mean it... I always will...



Whenever I said I luv you.. I always meant it... I meant it forever... Ladai and all is ok... But from my perspective, I can never part from her... I was ready to accept her with all her shortcomings... she couldn't take one in me...!

The sleepless nights..

Another one of those sleepless nights... this is the third in a row now.. and getting too much to bear.

I keep turning around in the bed but dont get any sleep. I have had stark different feelings in these three nights though:

Sunday night - I was anxious. I was anxious as to what will she say. I was anxious as to what will I say to her. I was anxious as to what will our future be. What would have she decided. Stuff like that. Obviously hoping for the good things.

Last night - I was broken and devastated. I thought that this is fucked up shit. Many a songs kept playing in my head all throught the night.. the songs she said that she "meant" for me.. I wondered how things changed so much in a couple of weeks..

Tonight - It's pure hatred and some disgust... She's really been a fucking bitch to me. After all that I was ready to accept her with, And only because I luved her... I just luved her beyond measure... I dont believe that she did what all she did...! I dont believe she said what all she said.. I know I have possessiveness issues.. Guess that was too much for her to handle..

Anyways.. as I said in my last post also, I promise myself that I wont fall in luv again.. ever..!

Luv don't live here anymore..

I am devastated... totally and completely destroyed!

And one thing I promise to myself.. I will never fall in luv again..! Have just had enough of the crap..

Running away....

Nothing too much to write really.. just came across another brilliant song and wanted to share..


Enjoy the song.. tell me if you like it..

Aur ho...

Another amazing song from the same movie... beautiful lyrics:



The song is very close to what I presently feel. And hence all the more reason for me liking the song. :-)
But that's actually not the point. Listen to it, it really is an intense expression of emotions.

The best part of the song for me is:

Main hasrat mein ik
Uljhi dore hua..
Suljha de..

Main dastaak hoon
Tu band kiwadoon sa
Khulja re..

There is something in these lines that touches deep inside. It's shows helplessness to me. Where-in you can do nothing but just hope that things fall in place... and you are asking for help... And this happens to everyone I guess... or not? I don't know..

Anyways, another reason for liking this particular bit is that it is shot at the Charles bridge in Prague. And I have very fond memories of that place! That is one of the most romantic places that I have been to... Or maybe the company I had was just too good to not care about the place.. :-) But yes... that is one place I would want to go again to!

Enjoy the song...
Cheers!

Hope...

Kaagar Kaagar mori itni araj tose 

Chun chun khaiyo maas...

Arajiya re khaiyo na tu naina more

Khaiyo na tu naina

Mohe piya ke milan ki aas...

How can somebody express like that! Amazing.. stunning.. unbelievable! I can't even write words to describe what has already been written.. so will not attempt on this one! 

But this is unbelievable faith in hope... And this will stay very close to my heart.. always!

And I will wait all my life.. because hope never dies.....

Just Breathe...

I am just so so hooked to this song... it keeps playing in my mind all the time. So I thought I will share it here..




It is a beautiful beautiful song... I luv Eddie Vedder! He is somehow very easily able to convey about human emotions.. and you can so easily relate to him! I don't think I have heard much better!

The last lines of the song are my favorite:

Hold me till I die,
Meet you on the other side...

Hats off Eddie!
Cheers!