Tick Tick Tick...

Time is just not going by
An hour is a day and a day is a week
I need to find some other thing to do
Always I can hear the tick tick tick

Or may be I just need to stay high
But alcohol doesn't seem to do the trick
Again I need to find some other thing
So I don't hear this tick tick tick

There were times when I was fine
Living in a cage with the walls so thick
Nothing could ever cross those walls
Not even this blaring tick tick tick

Oh I miss you so so much
Without you, life is just not slick
I keep thinking about you all the time
With you, I never heard the tick tick tick

I have to build my life back together
And I have to build it brick by brick
How to do it and from where to start
I can't do it with this tick tick tick

I want to just lose the track of time
And feel as if it is passing by too quick
For now, somebody stop the fucking clock
Killing me is this tick tick tick...

Going back...

The trip is coming to an end.. I am going back on Saturday night. And as I already told you, it has not been a good trip as such. But one thing that I have decided to try is not to write depressing. At least not all the time.

So, in this post, I will write about whatever little good things happened on this trip and not the others. There havent been many actually but a couple at least.

First was when I met a friend of mine, Vishal Masih, after something like close to 6 years!! Co-incidently we both were in India and he got my number from somewhere... and we met.. it was nice catching up with him and meeting his wife and the cute daughter. Though it was a quick breakfast meeting, but it was all nostalgic..

Then, Goa didnt go too well as was not in the best of spirits then so will not talk about it. But Himanshu's wedding went good. It is good to see two people who luv each other tie that knot!! I was, yet again (!!!), the "doli" driver and it is a good feeling. And you get all the importance that comes with it! :-)

That is all actually. Rest there were no highlights and I spent most of the time just lying at home. Things are not good at home and there is always a stiffness in the air... Hope it gets better and we have some good times to come...

I miss Snow a lot... a lot actually! But then have to come to terms somehow with it... And I will.

As of now, I am dreading going back to Amsterdam! To that loneliness! Let's see how I cope up...!

Cheers!

Fucked up...

It has been a disastrous Indian trip for me so far... Never has a trip home been so disastrous before...

And today was the pinnacle of disasters... I broke down in front of my family and couldn't really tell them the reason. I have been feeling too alone, too let down, too left out... Was trying to tackle it so far but then couldn't. We were sitting and watching TV and I just broke down... nothing triggered it but just that couldn't hold it in further.

Assured the family that I am fine and that it will get alright... They are worried.. they are worried about me going back and staying alone again... in fact, I am worried too... I don't want to stay alone any longer... Maybe I do want to switch back to India... may be it was really a bad decision to move to Amsterdam.. there is no job satisfaction, there is no personal satisfaction, there is basically nothing... why did I move.. I shouldn't have. And now, I don't know what to do... it is too early maybe to switch back... No idea what I would do... I just don't want to stay there any longer I think...

I don't know what's in store... I don't know what I will decide... I don't know how I will handle this... all I know is that I am just too fucked up at this point in time... !! :-(

Untitled...

It's a long long road
There are plenty a turns
Will I be able to hold on
I doubt and my heart burns

What did I not do
Where did I go wrong
Oh yes, expecting is where
I think I did go wrong

But I expected only what I could give back
Sometimes I just wanted you to ask
I did ask for everything I wanted
But for you, looks like it was a tough task...

I never had different rules
I never was about the I
But you think that I was
And that thought makes me want to die...

There is nothing that I can do
You are always on my mind
I keep seeing you everywhere
To anything else, I am pure blind...

But life doesn't go on like that
And this, I need to change
How, I have no fucking clue
Coz you are my luv, you are my rage...

P.S. Didn't get any title, so just kept it untitled..

I defeated me...!

Tried hard to walk the line
For a while, all was so fine
Long ahead I didnt foresee
In the end, the I defeated me

We were so good together
With you, the world was so much better
But I, me, mine was all I could hear
Slowly it became too much to bear

Hoped you would do simple things for me
But realized it was not to be
In the sun, wished you to be the tree
But in the end, the I defeated me

There was so much we could do
You and I were not meant to be two
Wanted to always wake up next to you
Kiss you and tell you that I luv you

Wanted to spend the days in your arms
And keep luving your endless charms
From all the sorrows, you could set me free
But in the end, the I defeated me

From the shadows, I was running away
You came along, and asked me to stay
I believed you would take away my pain
For sometime, life was in the fast lane

But all good things do come to an end
Some soon and others, a little they extend
I always will luv you and want us to be
But doubt that to happen, because the I defeated me...
The I defeated me...

 

A kiss...

What is a kiss?

It is a connection between two hearts. You feel closer to the person when you kiss with luv. You feel connected. You feel that you are not alone. You feel that she will be there. You feel happy. You feel safe. The world and its problems just dissolve. You feel like kissing again. It makes you forget everything else!

Isn't it true? Well.. I feel that. Kiss can also be a symbol of lust. But what is wrong in lusting for someone you luv? What is wrong in lusting for the woman of your life? I am in no way advocating one night stands or random kissing around!

This is an ever so old topic of argument between a man and a woman. A man would anytime and always want to kiss his woman while women are different. They have to make up their mood to kiss. The biggest problem is that there is no resolution of this problem. If there was, it would have happened long time back in the history somewhere. :-)

Anyways... were just some thoughts coming in my mind and thought will just write them down.

To kiss is to luv
I know there are other ways too
You feel the closest when you kiss
Trust me baby... its true...

To infinitely many more kisses full of luv..!

Cheers!

P.S. A kiss once changed my life... I am sure would have happened with many of you.. :-)