The End...

It is too difficult to end anything isn't it? Except a boring movie I know. :-) My PJ capabilities are degrading by the day I see with that one! Sorry! :-)

But coming back to the point... I think it is very difficult to end anything good in life. But then, at times, you have no other choice but to do it.  Sometimes, it happens on its own. Sometimes, you have to take some steps to do it. Either way, you don't like it ever!

Be it the India-winning-the-world-cup moment... be it the drunk-and-never-drinking-again moment... be it a heart-sharing-session-with-a-friend moment... or be it the she-is-the-one moment...

The last one in those is the toughest. One of the reasons for that maybe is that "that" feeling is not so frequent as the other ones. I rarely get that feeling for quite sometime in my life now... But, you got to do what you got to do. When things are not working good, you have to let them be. End of the day, it is you who should be happy. If you don't feel cared enough for, move on. I know it is easier said... but then I did say that I am talking about the tough things here right?

Now the next questions... What do you do? How do you move on? It really is painful to get rid of that thought. When you already have seen you future with her... seen the world-to-be with her... seen, maybe, you future children with her... Basically... to get rid of that I-will-grow-old-with-her feeling...
Time heals all... that's what they say. And that's what I will believe in. Although, when it's me, I know that the wounds don't heal up too soon... I take ages... But someday I will...

Another day, another time... for now:

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes...again!

                                                         -- The Doors

Cheers!

Left Out...

Do you find yourself sometimes wondering why do you care so much about someone? Specially when you don't get a similar kind of care and thought in reciprocation? All your plans are made with the person in mind, but doesn't happen the other way... Do you feel bad about it? Do you feel neglected and unloved and uncared for? I do.

Do you wonder why is no special thought given about you anytime? At times, you will want it all the time and not just anytime. Specially if you have limited time you know you will spend together. Don't you? I do.

It has happened with me quite a few times. In the past, in the present, and I am sure in the future too. But I have never learned my lesson. I know that it is just stupid or plain idiotic of me. But yeah... I have never learnt my lesson and the same with so many other things. I just don't learn! I always have thought in my mind that I have learnt. But when the situation comes again, I am again the same caring lover and the one that gets hurt in return. And I have been told every time that I am over sensitive. Makes me really feel that I am abnormal then. Makes me feel that something for sure is wrong with me. So many people can't be wrong can they?

Or is it that I just give myself too much when I am in luv? Is that right? Should you keep yourself even when you are in luv? Should you plan for only yourself even when you are in luv? Should you not try to make the other person feel special all the time? Should not do things, cancel your plans, do things that surprise the other person?

I don't know what crap really have been writing. But just a free flow of the mind actually. May not think the same tomorrow. But the circumstances are making me write this. I feel left alone... I feel uncared for... I feel left out...

I need someone for whom I am the world... I need someone who thinks of me all the time... I need someone who cares for me more than anything else in the world... I need someone... I need me!

No one can luv you like you do
You are the master of your feelings
No one can make you feel special
You are the one who can cause your healing!

Cheers!

The Untold...

Until the lion has a historian, the hunter will always be a hero!

A line from a graffiti wall in the National Museum in Copenhagen. Read it... and was in a state of trance for a while. I don't think I have read many of such emphatic statements. Beautifully put in words. And it was the highlight of my trip. Left me a little messed up though. :-)

To me what it means is - there must be many many untold stories in this world. You never know the complete truth since none told / wrote about many of the things. We only know things that are written in the legend. Someone we consider a hero, might not have actually been one. Someone we consider a good leader, might not have been that good. Someone might have lived on to be a hero but died without being written about. And is dead forever!

Leaves you with just too many questions and unsettles your mind. At least it did that to me. Suddenly I have started doubting all that I have read or studied about history. Moreso, what is written could be false. May be one king wanted himself to be remembered as the most powerful ever... So he made a historian write stories about him... anything could have happened.

No one told the lion's side of the story right? May be the lion is the real hero... Someday, somewhere, somehow... we will discover the truth! The complete truth...

Amen!

Introspection

I don't know why a conversation I had with a friend long time ago is coming back to me today. And it has been happening since the morning and so I thought I might as well write about it.

It was an sms conversation and was sometime back in 2009 I think. I told her that I missed the past and all the fun we had when the entire gang was together in Mohali and stuff like that. Those random Kasauli trips, all nighters on my roof, in the nick of the moment parties etc etc etc. And as I wrote, I again miss those times. :-( Indeed awesome it was. :-)

Anyways, at the end of the discussion, I told her that I somehow am still stuck in the past. And she said:

"Life never stops to grieve with us"

And I couldn't say anything after that!

This is one of the biggest negatives I think I have in me. I get stuck to people, to things, to events and to what not. I just don't move on. Not so easily at least. And this has caused me a lot of pain and a lot of missed opportunities as well. I know I have written on my blog itself a thousand times that I should learn to move on and I am learning to move on and blah blah blah... But it really has never happened. I take like ages to move on! I just stop, and life and everyone moves on...

Why do I stop when no one does

Why do I get stuck

Why do I get attached so much

Why do I kill my own luck...

Trying to find the answers has been a long journey already for me with no success at all. More than to find the answers, I want to change this aspect of mine. I don't want to get attached. I don't want to be in pain... I hope I learn soon... just soon enough!

Cheers!

Rhyme...

You don't always get what you want
Hard as you may try
You don't always get what you need
Life has it's way to defy


But you will never give up
Cause that's not a wise move
Do you really want it bad enough?
To you, you have to prove


You can't do much about it
But trying is your fate
Try until you succeed as they say
However long may be the wait


Keep moving towards that aim
Take one step at a time
Someday you will get there
And life once again will begin to rhyme...


Cheers!

Whiskey

Show me the way
To the next whiskey bar
Oh, don't ask why
For if we don't find
The next whiskey bar
I tell you we must die...


I am big time sucker for whiskey (as if this is news!! :-D). I like beer too but nothing beats whiskey. That golden liquid... 3 ice cubes... in a broad whiskey class... whoa! There are very few things that can beat this! For me that is. And if the whiskey is a Single Malt... that's just like telling a child that you are not only getting a toy car for your birthday, but one with a remote. Sorry... bad analogy but nothing else struck. :-) I have nothing against Blended or Bourbon also for that matter. I am kind of impartial to any whiskey with just a slight tilt towards the Single Malts.


KK (the actor) once said - "Zindagi mein do hi anubhav shudh hain Major - Single Malt aur Shaurya" (Only two things are pure in life - Single Malt and gallantry)


Ok.. now where is this coming from all of a sudden. I was reading my own blog and felt that I have almost been under depression. (Sorry for making you guys read such depressing stuff, if anyone reads that is :-)). But yeah... felt that I have been writing too depressing. Kind of a self realization. So I thought of writing something else. And I heard this song on the radio... and instantly knew what I will write about.


So... further more to kill depression, I decided to go to the WhiskeyCafe in Amsterdam today. I will go there in the evening. That is one place I have wanted to go to since a friend told me about it. It seems they have all the rarest of rare whiskeys with them. With a passion to serve it. And I feel ashamed when I call myself a whiskey lover and have not been to this place in the 4 months that I have been here! The waiting ends now!


Here I come... pour me a drink...


Cheers!

Untitled - Simple Plan

The title looks cryptic isn't it? :-) 


But there's nothing actually... wanted to write something but was just not able to. And was listening to this song so thought will just post it...


I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight

And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me...

Feeling of the day...

Lonely is the feeling of the day
I want to come out of these shades of gray
To feel being loved is what I want
But that's a wish not so easy to grant

I feel crazy and I feel low
Birthday is just another day I used to say
But was never so alone on this day
And loneliness is too heavy to weigh

I kept on waiting and watching
Hoping for some miracle to occur
That makes me feel special on my day
But realized my vision was just so blur

Now this day is getting over
Tomorrow will be the same once again
But I will never forget this day
For it is not easy to forget so much pain...

Turning over a new leaf...

It's my 30th birthday today. And if FB is to be believed... people love me! :-D I have so many wishes there.. 


But the truth? In the past years... The phone never used to stop ringing as the clock struck 12... friends used to get drinks and cake... though the butt kicking part I didn't like that much but now that I think of it... I kinda miss it.. :-) All that cake holi and stuff... people actually used to try and make me feel special...


It has been decreasing slowly and steadily... but this year was a sudden and shocking change.. how many calls did I get this year at 12... ZERO... :-) Rather I ain't expecting too many in the day too... No cake... drinks alone last night... No plans for today either... The loneliness is on an all time high... Guess what.. I asked a friend to come here for my birthday.. probably the first time I did something as stupid and as desperate as that... I just didn't want to stay alone may be... And guess what... I was declined.. :-)


I know I know.. It's my birthday and I shouldn't start the new year ahead on a low or some crap like that I have always been told... Anyways.. so I thought of teaching myself some lesson... To not tie all the hope to some one person... To start and enjoy living alone... To try and control the urge to make that phone call... To start being selfish... 


I hope I am able to stick to this. And that I am able to turn this leaf over. Amen.


Cheers!

Black Forest

Black forest dear Black Forest
You were lovely and great
I am glad I came to you
It indeed was a long due date


I enjoyed all the curvy drives
And you were so good to me
You made me feel like a bird
From the cage who was set free


From Triberg to Freiberg to Strasbourg
Everywhere was nature to immerse
You are so beautiful that for a moment
You took away all my life's curse



Your waterfall was majestic
Your high road was breath taking
The drive to Triberg was the best
And Cuckoo's house was there waiting



Don't be mad at me for this part
But special was the company I had
That made you even more wonderful 
And I just couldn't be more glad


Another date with you I promise
Just pray she will be with me
It will be a perfect setting then
Once again when together are we three...


Cheers!