Loving her self-lessly!!!

It is not a poem this time. Somehow felt like just penning down whatever I am feeling right now and somehow thought that it wont be possible in the form of a poem.

Have a thought in my mind today. Might sound too philosophical, but then who cares if you think that it is just philosophical. I created this place not for you to enjoy reading and agree with, but for myself to write down what I feel. And here I am, doing just the same.

I was wondering today about loving someone self-lessly. I mean that may sound too weird on the first go. But give it a second thought. When you love someone.. do you really put a condition for that person to love you back??? (I know that sounds like a dialogue by shahrukh from Mohabatein... but that's what I am feeling right now). As per what I think, the answer to that is a plain "No". You just love a person. And that's all. And that should be sufficient for you to know.

Why do we expect things from somebody? If I love a girl, why do I expect her to do something for me. I should understand the simple fact that it is me who loves her and she doesn't reciprocate the feelings. But if this is so easy to understand, then why do I find it so hard to accept it??? Well, the fact remains... "It is not easy to get used to this fact". And this is human nature I believe. But in the process of learning to accept this fact, I myself make life tough for me and for that girl. Again a question... is this right? In fact, when I think of it I feel that there is no right or wrong in this. It's just a matter of perception. Both of us are right as per our own perceptions. I would feel that this girl should at least help me in getting used to the fact that she doesn't love me. And in this process, I will feel that she should care for me just a little more when I need her. On the other hand, the girl will treat me just as "another" friend. And this is where the problem starts. The end result of this entire process is that I and she will end up ruining our relationship on the whole. No matter how good friends we were earlier, but this process will just ruin it all!!!

Why do we let things go this far? If I think about it twice, I realise that it is only my fault. She was happy to be the best of friends with me. It was my mistake to misunderstand that as something else. It was my mistake to expect her to love me back the same way as I love her. I see my life companion in her... but it was my mistake to expect her to feel the same... In essence, it is my mistake to let this relationship go away.

But as they say... it is never too late. I will not let this relation fade away just like that. I will be there when she needs me. I will be happy to do anything for her. But I will not expect anything from her. After all... I have loved her!!! And finally... I am learning to love her self-lessly!